Ballet Babies

I'm on a mission to find things that make Marek happy. The boy is having a hard time with his BIG emotions... Unfortunately these big emotions tend to be angry ones. So when my friend mentioned that she was trying out a new ballet class for her little girl, I figured I would tag along with my crew. The night before I packed enough pb&j sandwiches to feed an army, a half dozen of their favorite sweet potato muffins and a few sippy cups of water. I knew it wouldn't go well if any of the boys were hangry, so best to just nip that problem in the bud. We walked sans stroller to the subway, all four of us (Me, Marek, Charlie and LoLo) and met our friends at the United Palace Theater for class. The boys enjoyed running around on the floor while we waited for the teacher to arrive. I had low expectations. In all honesty, I have failed the boys on the "structured play" front, they are not accustomed to it at all. Other than story-time at the library, the boys "free play" as I'm too unorganized to actually do anything remotely planned. Apparently SOME studies say this is okay... helps with creativity (all disorganized and uncrafty moms rejoice!). However, the boys really surprised me with how willing they were to follow directions  (as well as any wild three year old can anyway). Marek kept leaping up to do moves before it was his turn and Charlie kept leaping up to do moves when it was Marek's turn.. .but overall it went SO well. At one point Marek turned around and whispered to me "This is so much fun Mommy!" and that sealed the ever lovin deal. While I'm not a quest to give my kids everything they want, I DO want to see them be happy people. And it has been so hard to get a smile on that kids face.

Of course once we got home I accidentally found the zebra puzzle piece before he did and we were right back into the regular llama-drama hour long scream fest. BUT later on right before bed, we talked about how much he enjoyed ballet class and asked me if he can do "lots more classes", and I felt hopeful. Maybe this is something we can bond over and talk about... even after a tough day of tantrums and not getting our way we can talk about how much fun we have when we dance. We have started having dance parties and he is a pro at them. Kid is a regular Isadora Duncan and I'm excited to find out what other activities bring him joy. Because he really could use a lot more joy right now. Charlie really liked dance class too, maybe not as enthusiastically as Marek, but he enjoyed moving and running and jumping. He also really liked the sweet potato muffins I gave them before class. THATS what he can't stop talking about (soooo my child). They say it gets easier when they are four... 5 months til I get my happy babies back. Right? Right?????

The ENERGY Monster

Rainy days are very tough for me. Not just for me, but for my boys as well. We all would much prefer to spend our entire day outdoors. Unfortunately, even during nice days we must retreat home to eat, nap and so that I can keep the house somewhat clean (however, there is the logic that spending less time indoors would actually mean less mess… but it just never works out that way for me. The place is messy no matter where we spend our time. I must have messy elves that clutter my place to disaster while we’re out.) BUT on rainy days we are stuck inside for the day. Rainy days are every mother’s worst nightmare. This is when you want to clobber all those Pinterest Princesses out there. Sure, I have a “rainy day” pinterest board, what mom doesn’t? BUT WHO has time to set up these awesome looking but impossible activities? I MUST have the crafty gene, I knit and sew…. lack of craftiness is definitely not my problem. It might just be that I have too many kids, or kids that don’t like to sit still (they really don’t) or kids that never want to do the same thing at the same time.  Apparently just because they are twins doesn’t mean they will have the same interests. What gives with that? Seriously. They pretty much have NOTHING in common. Except a love of throwing wooden train tracks when angry. They both agree that doing so is a great way to let out some steam (Mommy is working tirelessly to teach them other ways deal with emotion). They both like tv! But of course I decided in a fit of desperation to remove the television from our living room in hopes that it would help with some of the “threenager” issues we’ve been having. Also, I got tired of them fighting over what shows to watch. So I’m always at a loss during rainy days of how to keep these rambunctious boys happily indoors when outdoor activities are a no-go. Today we read for most of the day, which is great…. really really great. BUT makes it hard for mama to get other things done. With coloring or any other artsy activity I’m able to be involved while flitting about the room tidying and cleaning. While reading I’ve got at least one on my lap and the crawler climbing all over me. Coloring only entertains one of the twins, and only for about 10 minutes… then he needs some other form of activity. I find if he is bored, he gets what I call “ENERGY”. “ENERGY” is a disease that causes the child to start running back and forth, over and over again, sometimes with a twirl or two but ALWAYS with arms splayed out in hopes that things (the messier or louder the better) will be knocked over. I make him clean it up but that doesn’t seem to deter him at all.. I’m flummoxed because I do believe a bit of boredom is actually healthy for a child and helps to build imagination. But so far it only seems to feed my child “ENERGY”. When he does this I usually can calm him down with some pretend school work, but again, that lasts maybe 5-10 minutes before the ENERGY monster strikes again. Luckily, they no longer launch off the couch like they used to do. I don’t really know how I got them to stop doing that.  It was honestly probably just that they got bored of it.

So is it just this age? This lack of focus? Actually, they CAN focus. They could spend hours being read to (but they have to be able to move while listening), playing trains and cars, and I’m fine with that…. they do get in fights over trains and cars though, which means it never really actually lasts HOURS.

The ENERGY monster distracted with the help of mommy's camera phone

Please, I’m open to some rainy day suggestions. This mama needs some fresh ideas!

5 Possible Facts About Today

5 possible facts about today:

I may or may not have cut 3 inches of my hair instead of working through a rats nest knot

I may or may not have eaten half a gallon of coconut milk ice cream after all three boys were in bed #whole30daynegative1

I may or may not have ran the shower but actually read a chapter in my book this morning while Jason gave the boys their breakfast

I may or may not have chosen to go hang out at the sprinklers instead of getting some whole30 compliant ingredients to fill my near empty fridge.

I may or may not be writing this from the couch in the twins nursery, since me holding court (is that even a saying?) in here is the only way to get them to sleep nowadays , even though they've been asleep for at least 5 minutes out of fear that they will wake, start begging to play and make mommy's brain explode...

Warning: May not he grammatically correct. Also definitely not in chronological order.  Not gonna worry about it. Note: warning should be at top of post... Meh

One Baby and a Momma in Seattle

Marlowe and I waiting to board the Seattle Ferry. We so fancy. (Is that from a song? Everyone says it..)

This year Jason gifted me with the most amazing Mother's Day gift. A trip back home with Marlowe! He still needed to be introduced to many very important family members, so he absolutely had to tag along. Luckily I'm used solo transporting three boys, which meant that ONE boy, one very small boy that cannot yet walk or crawl felt pretty damn similar to traveling alone. Well, not really. But it was easier. I think you catch my drift. The day we flew he cried all of five minutes. It was as we descended into Seattle, so most likely due to painful ears. We started with a two hour subway ride to JKF, where we caught our six hour flight to Seattle. Which means EIGHT hours, with only five minutes of crying. I was so proud! Until I realized it was probably because my poor youngest child was STOKED to have so much undivided attention from momma. The last time he had eight hours free from temperamental toddlers was during our four day hospital stay after he was born (four days of BLISS. Best vacation ever. Not kidding). To be fair, the twins have never really experienced this luxury either.... That's a whole different parental guilt trip blog post though. But Marlowe entered a world that was already quite divided. The boys require so much attention and are what I like to refer to as "spirited" (Old School Folks would call them "challenging" or maybe even "rebellious".  I like rebellious better, maybe even more than I like spirited.)  Marlowe, on the other hand, is apparently a pretty easy going baby... As long as I'm at a touchable distance. I never had time to stop and appreciate or even realize this until I went on my trip back to Washington. I kept waiting for him to break down, and he just wouldn't. Apart from two hours that I spent at the movies with my sister, he was a perfect smiling little angel. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HAVE MORE BABIES! I swear to goodness, my little pumpkin pie almost tricked me into thinking I wanted more! Babies that get a lot of attention generally are pretty happy... This I've concluded based on my scientific research involving just one baby. My theory is that it's all a biological diabolical hoax to get you knocked up again.  And, I'm sorry to all those waiting on another pregnancy announcement from me, but it just isn't going to happen. I don't need to try for a girl, I'm content with my three little men. And I don't think we can squeeze any more cheeks (however small and however cute) into this NYC apartment.

This trip also made me realize how invaluable having family to help really is. Even if it's just to play with him for a few minutes. Anyone asking "Can I hold him?" Was returned with an enthusiastic "SURE! HERE YA GO!" and a wiggly baby thrown into their general direction. I wish I had my entire family living with me here in the city. Having family close is such a precious thing. Day to day, week to week, month to month, season to season, etc... I go without that help. Jason and I made the choice to live across the country so that's that. It's just one of those things you don't realize you miss until you see what you could have had.

Blowing bubbles in JKF

On my resume "nursing while babywearing and pushing a double stroller" will be the first skill I list. Obviously a boss at multi-tasking. 

Flu Fun

Marlowe sick with his first flu and fever :(

So January is almost over. How the hell did that happen? This month has flown by and not because we were enjoying ourselves. Unfortunately, we suffered with the flu for the first two weeks. It was horrible, disgusting and I can't believe we made it through. It all started after a vigorous hot yoga workout that left me feeling amazing. I was so happy "YES, I killed that class!"  Soon after I started feeling sore shaky.. But who doesn't love a good post workout ache? However, feeling chilly was pretty weird, especially since my apartment is usually kept at a toasty 80 degrees (building management controls our heat). Jason suggested that I take my temperature. I NEVER get fevers... I may get sick, but fevers are not common for me. So when the reading came back as 102 degrees I was quick to find a plausible reason that did not include illness. I was embarking on the Whole30 eating regimen and had begun PIYO workouts. That's A LOT for a body to take on (hello New Years Resolutions!). With all of these changes I was certain that my body was just in shock. That 102 fever must be because I overdid it, right? Especially after a hot yoga class? Pretty sure that can happen.... right??? Well three days later and not feeling any better I finally took myself to Urgent Care. The doctor looked at me and was ready to pronounce me sick with a "bad cold', but my intuition told me it was worse than that. I asked for the Flu test. The doctor said "Sure, but you are too well to be sick with the flu". Should have seen the look on her face when she came back five minutes later and told me it came up positive. Yup, well... Moms aren't allowed to act or look sick, didn't she know that? It was too late for me to take Tamiflu so I had to power through the fever with rest (ha. HA HA HA.) and lots of fluids. That night Marlowe came down with a fever and three days later Charlie, and two days after that Marek. So far, Jason remains healthy (which he loves to point out and tease that it means he has a stronger "constitution") and I'm praying it stays that way. Because men can't handle sickness as well as we women folk.
Getting the flu is terrifying when you have little children. Marlowe is too young for the flu shot and is at higher risk just because of his age.  Charlie I worry about because he is teeny and seems to have a harder time bouncing back from illness... Marek does pretty well, thank goodness. The flu only lasted three days for him.  However, this year there are SO MANY horror stories of the flu. This strain is horrible and crippling for some (I think my family lucked out. It could have been SO MUCH WORSE). Of course I was reading all the scary articles while we all were suffering, which is not the best idea.... but I was so relieved when the fevers dissipated and they started eating again. Yay! We made it through the flu without a single hospitalization! Which I consider a victory with this nasty strain.
Now we are getting back into our regular routine, which is a bitter battle after a sickness like the flu. Fact is the boys get very spoiled while ill, and if mama is suffering as well then they also get away with murder. Which they did. They totally murdered my apartment, but this lucky mama has a friend that treated her to a housecleaner once the sickness was gone. That is a RARE treat and it was much appreciated!
Who else is dealing with the flu? What are you taking to get you through it? Tamiflu saved us and I think the elderberry I was shoving down our throats made it less severe. Stay well everyone!

Well That Was Unexpected

I'm gobsmacked.  The article I wrote for xoJane made it's rounds in the infertility world, showing up in my feed from FB pages I follow, without my prompting. It may never happen again, so excuse me while I gloat just a tiny bit.  I'm so happy it was shared (4.8k times!) and brought hope to others dealing with infertility. Infertility sucks. I want all deserving potential moms and dads to get their "free baby"! It makes me sad knowing that my story is not the way it normally turns out. BUT, you really never know.

Thanks to my friends and family that read it and to those that shared it :) The more page hits, the more likely they will allow me to write for them again!

See my article here:
Infertile for 7 Years and Now I have 3 Kids Under 3

Getting Some Time to Myself After Baby

Cant.stop.baby-wearing. On our way to the doctor yesterday

Tonight I am forcing myself to get out.  Any mother of a newborn knows how hard the first time away is, if even only for an hour or two. Actually, BEING away won’t be so hard, its the tearing myself apart from the cute, wriggly newborn that spends most of his days attached to me like an additional appendage.  My excuse for near constant babywearing is that I fear the twins will trample, feed, pick up, or basically unintentionally kill my littlest. However, the truth is I love it. Chances are this is my last child, and I plan on snuggling 24/7 until he is actually strong enough to wrestle himself away from me. I hope he is prepared to put up a good fight, because I won’t be letting go easily.

The downside to this constant togetherness is that I feel like he NEEDS me ALL THE TIME.  When in fact, my husband can take care of him almost just as well as I do. He doesn’t have the preferred boobie milk delivery system, but Marlowe will settle for a bottle (if he must). After being excited about his two month doctor appointment yesterday because it meant I was going to have “me time”, I determined I was in dire need of true, actual time alone. If I’m considering time out with just ONE baby as “me time” then the situation must be extremely serious.

Here’s the problem with mama “me time”: Unless you have money to hire a babysitter during the day for a few hours, it has to happen after the kids go to bed. I don’t know about other moms, but once bedtime rolls around (7:30) I’m completely knackered. All I can really be bothered to do is watch some crap reality TV or MAYBE read. And if I’m reading it has to be something like Kinsella, Giffin, or if I’m feeling slightly more awake than usual maybe Gabaldon.  Once the sun goes down my brain is too fried for the greats like Wharton, James or Kundera. I miss feeling smart… so forcing myself to go to yoga tonight at 7:30 feels like an exercise in endurance. It’s not really “down” time; I will never consider exercise down time. BUT hopefully it will keep my brain awake enough to have some thoughts to myself, rather than just turning it off like I usually do. Hmmm. Is it weird to go to yoga so you can daydream? Probably, would be my guess. Either way, I’m super pumped and excited to hopefully make this a regular thing.  Just the idea of listening to music on my headphones the entire way there and back is enough to put a huge smile on my face. Hopefully Marlowe rewards my efforts by sleeping through the night. Oh, there ya go. That’s what I’ll most likely daydream about. Sleeping all the way through the night until morning…. bliss.